Helping Your Hurting Friends
By Joe Embry
Who hasn't experienced hurt? A loss of any nature hurts. Perhaps, one of the most difficult of all losses is through a forced termination. This happened to me in March 1999. After 28 years in church ministry, and five plus years at my last church, I was fired without warning. I became a statistic - part of the 300 plus forced terminations each month in the Southern Baptist Convention alone.
The pain of sudden separation from your calling and profession is shock enough. Then, there are many unanswered questions of income security, the basic needs of housing and caring for your family. The real shock came in the silence of many friends in the days that followed my termination. As the days turned to weeks, then to months, I realized that most of us human beings are not equipped to minister to our hurting friends.
Here are some tangible and practical ways you can minister to your hurting friends:
Although it may be awkward, make contact as soon as you learn of the situation. A brief phone call reassuring them of your friendship is worth a lot.
HUGS always WORK!
Little gestures are important. If there are young children involved, offer some free baby-sitting to enable the parents some time and space to be alone to pray, think and begin planning for their future. Other ideas are:
1. Gift certificates
2. A prepaid phone card
3. Invitation to dinner or games and snacks
2. A listening, non-judgmental ear as often as possible
5. Personal prayer support
If you are in a position of leadership at the church, do all you can to make sure the pastor and his or her family are treated fairly in a severance package. Six months should be the very minimum. Twelve or more months are often needed to relocate. Try to keep group insurance going as long as possible.
Make sure the minister and spouse are sent to the next Ministering to Ministers "Wellness Retreat" by providing for the necessary expenses.
Volunteer to write positive letters of job performance to attach to resumes submitted to churches or Christian agencies.
Just be there! Remind them of God's love.
God will never leave His children comfortless. Suggest they read Job 1 and note what Job did. When it was all over, Job praised God!Editor's Note: Rev. Emory attended a MTM Wellness Retreat. He accepted a call to a new church ministry position in July 2000