Who am I?
by Charles H. Chandler, Executive Director
One of my favorite Bible stories is found in Luke 8:26-30. It reminds me of my need to self define - to know who I am. It also provides a model for ministry-meeting people's needs by knowing the people.
Look at the story:
Jesus was deeply involved in a ministry of teaching and healing throughout Galilee. People had come to him from every direction. A period of retreat was needed. He and His disciples crossed the lake to the quietness of the other side.
Sitting on that other side of the Sea of Galilee was a deeply troubled man. The scripture refers to him as demon possessed. In town, they called him "crazy." Spells came over him and he became a threat to himself and to others.
Perhaps, he wondered why he was not like other people - why he could not control himself and maintain close relationships. Perhaps, he was focusing his thoughts on the master teacher that everyone was rushing to hear. People told him the teacher's name was Jesus.
It could be the demoniac heard some lepers talking about Jesus healing their friend, even touched him as he healed him. Surely, he wondered if this Jesus would talk to him, if he could get close enough? Would Jesus touch - or reject him like everyone else?
While pondering these thoughts, he saw a boat coming toward his bank of the sea. No one ever came to his bank. That's why he hid out here. As the boat approached, he realized that the very person he wanted to talk with was in that boat!
When Jesus stepped ashore, the man lunged toward Him. It must have been a frightening scene as this demoniac fell down screaming before Jesus, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God?" He knew Jesus' name and confessed that Jesus was God's Son.
To his amazement, Jesus did not reject him. Instead, He asked, "What is your name?" This question sounds strange - even out of place. In essence, Jesus said to the man, "Tell me about yourself." To a Hebrew, your name described the person. The demoniac's response sounds odd, also. He said, "Legion!" What kind of answer was that? But, I believe the man was trying to answer as honestly as possible. In essence, he said, "I don't know who I am. I am so torn by life that I have ceased to be an integrated person. I have 'gone to pieces.'" It is frustrating and pathetic for anyone to have to reply that his or her life is unidentified. But, it happens to ministers all the time - loss of identity. And, it is, in part, our own fault.
When we begin a Healthy Transitions Wellness Retreat, I ask participants to introduce themselves to the group by telling us everything they can in a three-minute talk. That sounds so easy! But, then I drop a bombshell. I add, "In your talk, you cannot make any reference to your work or your family." They begin to look dumbfounded. It is very difficult for most participants to speak about themselves for three minutes without making reference to their work or their family.
Why is that true? Ministers are notorious for losing their personal identity to their jobs. So, when they lose the title, "minister," they are stripped of their personal identity. This exercise sets the stage for focusing on the need to be in touch with whom they are - their gifts, likes, dislikes, dreams and needs. Who we are, actually, is more important than what we do with our time. The best ministry grows out of our inner passions. Who we are defines what we can do best.
Healthy leadership begins with self-differentiation but stays in touch with people. As you self-differentiate, you set clear goals, involve people in shaping those goals and lead in a non-anxious way. Jesus was always very clear about Himself; why He came and what was going to happen to Him. But, He also stayed in touch with people as He made conscious choices. Self-defining can enable you to maintain a healthy self-image even when your ministry is rejected.
If Jesus had come to our world today, instead of 2000 years ago, how would He minister? I believe He would do as He did with the demoniac, by knowing our name. He would have compassion on us. He would offer us a true identity, that is, identification with a God who cares, whose presence is at hand, whose grace and strength are sufficient.
Healthy ministers have learned who they are. As they help others self-define, together they can begin to grow a healthy church.