Before You Marry the Church . . .
Have you thought about pre-marital counseling and
pre-nuptial agreements?
by Dr. Bill Trimyer
Getting married is one of life's major events. Planning for a wedding normally requires significant forethought and preparation. After the engagement the couple sets the date, place, and time for the celebration of their wedding. There's also the decision regarding the honeymoon and future residence.
Some couples enter into pre-marital counseling in preparation for this blissful event, but they are so in love that the prospect of future problems is not something they wish to think about. And why should they? A wedding is supposed to be a happy time!
Couples and their families often spend enormous amounts of money planning for a wedding. In contrast, very little money or time is invested in the emotional preparation and understanding of what they are agreeing to do. Months down the road the honeymoon begins to wear off and the reality of living at the same address begins to dawn. Some couples begin to wonder about the wisdom of their decision. Doubts may set in as one or both begin to wonder why they did not see or know about their partner's surprise behaviors.
Of course, pre-marital counseling guarantees nothing, but at the least it may create an awareness of potential conflicts. Pre-nuptials might be something that movie stars think about, but most folks going to the altar trust everything to their beloved.
Would it be a stretch to compare getting married to the church not too unlike two individuals getting married? In some ways it is definitely different. Getting married to the church means you'll have more people to deal with. You may not have to eat or sleep with them, but you will sometimes see a lot more or them than you will your spouse. And most clergy soon realize that moving people closer to the Kingdom of God may soon give way to butting their head against a brick wall. After a few months they may begin to wonder about the wisdom of their decision. "What in the world have I gotten myself into?"
Before pronouncing, "I do," it may well be worth the effort to learn all you can about the church you will wed. As my grandmother used to say, "All that glitters is not gold." Learning all you can and asking pointed questions may save valuable wear and tear on the spirit. In addition, some pre-nuptial agreements might be in order before going to the altar.
The MTM Foundation has put together sample documents that can help a minister and church formalize their "wedding plans" and possibly reduce unnecessary problems later on.
(Editor's Note: The above musings are those of your editor. Please contact Dr. Charles Chandler for further information about the above-mentioned documents.)