The Minister's Sexual Temptations

Dr. D. Ross Campbell

Ministers are subject to sexual temptation like other professionals. When marital infidelity happens in the life of a minister the news spreads like wild-fire. The "unthinkable" has happened. Passions of every sort are unleashed. There is anger and dismay in the congregation. The initial response in most Christians is to condemn the minister and to get rid of him or her. Seldom do we see compassion, understanding, and grace. Any attempt to bring healing and restoration to the minister and other parties involved is seldom considered. Why do Christians tend to shoot their wounded, especially their ministers? This is an extremely complex subject and we must be careful to be fair to all parties involved.

First, sexual infidelity is always wrong. But Christians know that we are all sinners and God's grace is what makes our faith differ from all others. We expect a higher standard of conduct among ministers. But ministers are not supermen or superwomen. They can fall into temptation like anyone else.

It is important to remember that the minister is in a position of power. When a hurting parishioner comes to a minister, especially for counseling, the pastor must honor the needs and vulnerabilities of the counselee. Personal boundaries must be clearly maintained. This is a professional relationship and must be kept in an appropriate context. The minister is responsible for the welfare of the counselee and there is no excuse for abusing it.

Second, the relationship between a minister and a parishioner can become distorted for a variety of reasons. We must consider the minister who is a sexual predator and takes advantage of vulnerable persons. Thankfully, this is quite rare. When it does happen, appropriate measures must be taken. This may include expulsion from the church and possible prosecution under the law.

In the vast majority of cases, however, the minister and the other party do not have malicious motivations. Seldom can one of them even imagine falling into sexual sin. How does it happen? In most cases, it starts out as a seemingly innocent encounter. The counseling situation is a common one.

Ministers are drawn into ministry for a variety of reasons, the most common being a desire to help people. This is good. Some ministers, however, have an unconscious need to be all things to all people - the "messiah" complex, so to speak. And how rewarding it is when a depressed parishioner feeds that need. When this is the case, it can be tempting to become involved sexually. This is especially true if the parishioner also has an unconscious need, such as over-dependency. It takes a competent, highly trained, counselor to maintain clear-cut, healthy boundaries. Too many counselors, including some ministers, are not aware of their own psychological needs and are unable to control themselves in situations where they possess powerful influence. They are an "accident waiting to happen." Still, if someone gets hurt, they are certainly responsible and appropriate consequences are necessary. It is a sad and difficult situation that needs the help and understanding of other mature Christians.

Most of these sexual encounters develop in counseling. This is one reason I strongly recommend that ministers refrain from extended therapeutic counseling whenever possible. I recommend that when a parishioner seeks counseling, the minister see the person one time and refer that person to a professional outside the church. This is my personal opinion, but I believe during the session the door should be open so that a trusted staff person is able to hear everything said.

You may disagree and believe what I am recommending is too stringent. But consider how many ministers have been ruined by close encounters of the wrong kind. One dear friend of mine who is a pastor and in the hierarchy of a major denomination told me that if the churches of that denomination lose half of the lawsuits this year for sexual encounters with ministers, the entire denomination would go bankrupt.

Sexual encounters are also more likely to take place when a person is depressed, burned out, discouraged, and mentally exhausted. Like everyone else, ministers need time away from work. They need time for family activities, spiritual renewal, time for renewing the marital relationship, and time for keeping their children's emotional tanks full. But these necessities are usually denied the minister. Most Christians do not realize that being a minister is a very difficult profession.

There is a growing shortage of church ministers today and the situation is becoming critical. Ministers are leaving the church in droves. And, worse, there are fewer and fewer young people going into ministry. One reason is due to the way ministers are treated. We must look after their needs just as we expect them to look after ours. We must encourage ministers to spend time with their family, to have a strong marriage, and well-balanced kids. Ministers also need encouragement.

Yes, we should hold our ministers accountable for their behavior. But let's be fair. We must treat our ministers as we want to be treated.

In closing, it is important to remind ourselves of what we have learned repeatedly over the years in the Ministering to Ministers Foundation. In order to survive in ministry, ministers must have four areas of support. He or she must; (1) have a "feed back" group within the church to keep the minister appraised of the church situation and advise him or her on certain issues; (2) have a support group outside the church made up of other ministers dedicated to forming a strong bond which they can trust and be held accountable; (3) have an attorney to provide legal advice when needed; and (4) have a therapist to call on for consultation.

The future of Christ's work on earth and the future of His church is in jeopardy. We must take care of our ministers.

Dr. D. Ross Campbell is a psychiatrist living in Chattanooga, Tennessee. A member of the MTM Board of Trustees, Dr. Campbell has assisted with more than 20 Healthy Transitions Wellness Retreats for Ministers and Spouses. He is the author of more than 20 books, the latest being Relational Parenting.