Thinking In Systems: A Factor In Good Emotional Health
By Charles H. Chandler, D. Min., Executiv3e Director
I have received calls from hundreds of ministers who are experiencing destructive stress in their work. Some have been forced out. Others are in the process of being "axed." Some are in deep depression and do not want to continue in their current role. When there's unrest in the pew, it usually results in unrest in the pulpit - and in the parsonage.
An analysis by the medical director of a health insurance company of a major denomination found that occurrences of stress related illnesses for ministers and their families is significantly higher than that of the general population. An overload of stress can destroy people and their relationships.
How can ministers guard against too much stress without disconnecting relationships?
There are four things ministers can do to insure some degree of emotional health in the midst of chaotic conditions: one, think in systems; two, build a support system; three, take care of their "physical" selves; and four, utilize their spiritual resources. This article will deal only with the first, "thinking in systems."
In church conflict situations, linear thinking is the norm. A systems approach allows the problem to be conceptualized to facilitate understanding of what is going on. A conceptual model can be returned to again and again to clarify issues as they arise.
Systems thinking helps keep the focus on the process as a whole whereas linear thinking looks for a single cause in order to affix blame. It identifies the patient as a person instead of the whole organization being the patient. If someone must be blamed, within the church, it will usually be the minister. Often the minister will assume the stress though it rightfully belongs to the system and other persons in the system. Thus, the minister becomes the stress bearer.
Self-differentiation is a vitally important aspect of systems thinking. It is the psychological separation of intellect and emotions and involves the independence of self from others. This enables a minister to maintain a distance in the heat of emotionally charged discussions involving finger pointing and blaming while remaining connected.
Edwin Friedman, in his book, Generation to Generation,* states that from a family systems point of view, stress is less the result of some quantitative notion such as "overwork" and more the effect of our position in the triangle of our families.
Lawrence Matthews, Director of Leadership in Ministry,** suggests that ministers can reduce their stress level and move to a healthier emotional state by leading through self-differentiation. He points to three dimensions of leadership through self-differentiation: (1) self-regulation, (2) self-definition, and (3) connectedness.
Self-regulation has to do with regulating your own anxiety. Anxiety, as it is used in family systems theory, includes the entire human response to the perceived threat, either real or imagined. Though you can never rid yourself of all anxiety, you can work at regulating it. Self-differentiation realizes that modifying your own behavior rather than focusing on how others function facilitates change in the emotional process. When the minister presents an "anxious presence," he or she feeds the anxiety of the group. Self-regulation - a non-anxious presence - can help defuse the emotions of the moment. To self-regulate places the anxiety upon the group where it belongs instead of the minister unknowingly agreeing to bear the anxiety for the group.
Whereas self-regulation is the internal dimension of self-differentiation, self-definition is the external dimension. It has to do with the communication of self to others. It gives expression to thoughts, values and goals. As a leader, it is important to have a clear understanding about what you think and believe and to communicate those thoughts and beliefs in words and actions. Being clear about who you are and what you stand for is far more effective than trying to get others straight about what they should think and believe. It is an invitation to others to do the same - and Matthews points out that some will. This encourages dialogue and causes things to happen. If the pastor and other leaders maintain their clarity of definition, the church has a much better chance of responding to conflict in faithfulness and obedience. It is essential that you know who you are and what you stand for and that you accept those facts.
Self-differentiating leaders work at self-regulating and self-definition while maintaining connection. They realize they cannot affect an emotional system unless they are a part of the system. That's why it is important for ministers to spend time developing relationships as they begin tenures. When ministers persist and remain connected with the system (organization), there's a good chance that the system will follow. Friedman referred to this kind of persistence as "the key to the kingdom."
Leadership
through self-differentiation places the stress on the system where it
belongs and not on the minister. Learning to think in systems is a
pilgrimage and not a "quick fix." The process takes time and a
changing mindset. But the effects can make a significant difference in
a minister's emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health.
*See Ed Friedman, Generation to Generation, page 1.
**For more information about Leadership through Self-differentiation, visit the web site: www.leadershipinministry.com
Dr. Lawrence Matthews is the founder and Director of the Leadership in Ministry Workshops.