Personal Boundaries of Safeguards
by Beverly G. Buston, Ph. D.
Ministers have the opportunity to share in the most intimate occasions of their church member's lives. They are often a part of life's major celebrations- birth, baptism, confirmation, and marriage. And then there are those unhappy and tragic moments when the minister is called upon for support, comfort, and help with resources to get them through. Ministers are invited into the lives of parishioners when they are feeling most vulnerable. This is a privilege that is a part of the minister's role and function in the lives of people.
In order to honor this privilege and provide spiritual support, it is essential that ministers are trustworthy. Supporting parishioners through life's most critical crises requires that the minister maintain clarity concerning boundaries. Ministers must learn to walk in and out of parishioner's lives and not become enmeshed inappropriately. When parishioners are vulnerable and overwhelmed with stress, personal boundaries can become clouded and weak. This is also true for the minister. It is the fiduciary responsibility of the minister as a servant of the people to maintain limits and keep the lines of minister/parishioner well defined. This provides safety for both.
A personal boundary may be defined as that which separates one individual from another. Boundaries give structure or shape to relationships. Maintaining appropriate boundaries allows the minister to offer protection, support, affirmation, mediation, and empowerment to parishioners. When boundaries are unclear, exploitation, abuse, manipulation, and violation may occur. In his book, Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, Edwin Friedman emphasizes the importance of self-differentiation of pastors in maintaining a healthy church environment. Ministers who are self-differentiated will have fewer problems with boundary violations between themselves and those they serve.
When there is a conflict in a church, it is easy to lose sight of maintaining personal boundaries. Under the stress of conflict, ministers may be vulnerable to those who may take advantage of and undermine their authority. It is up to the minister, regardless of how much he or she is being impacted by the conflict, to maintain boundaries. It is during such critical times that the minister under fire will need a strong network of support. Having a trusted supervisor, mentor, therapist, spiritual director or colleague can increase personal awareness of how boundaries are being or not being managed. Naming and claiming the issues as well as role clarity during a church conflict can keep things from becoming too clouded.
Having clear boundaries provides structure for
growth and development for most of the parties involved. It is
essential for the minister to experience trust and safety in a conflicted
system that can produce mistrust and fear. When boundaries are clear
and maintained, power is managed in a constructive way and there is a safety
net for the vulnerable.
Dr. Beverley Buston is a member of the MTM Board of Trustees. A
psychologist in